dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
