Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
