More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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