I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
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ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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