dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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