but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
