everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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