Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
