He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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