I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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