There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is my life. Enjoy the view
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
