how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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