please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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