mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
