If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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