His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
