Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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