my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
