Soap is not a condiment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
