The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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