if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
