That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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