I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
