you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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