I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
