k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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