i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
