You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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