my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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