Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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