I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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