My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
