we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
