Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I will die if light touches me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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