i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
