i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
