he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
