Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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