Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
