omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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