so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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