It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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