Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
