Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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