No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
