none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
