We're facebook friends in real life
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
