This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
