you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
two words: eviction party
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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