Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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