Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You don't make any sense
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