trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
