I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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