There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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