C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
