I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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