now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize