Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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