woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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