Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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