how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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