there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
