could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
