Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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