i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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