Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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