After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
