His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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