it hurts more in the daytime
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
