Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
