its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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